The Bumpy Part of the Journey

I don't know if it's the persistent rain, "April Showers Bring May Flowers" or if I just am at a low emotional time or what.  I have been plagued with feeling tired and low and my energy level is in the shitter.  I am feeling overwhelmed and grumpy, sad and frustrated.  Joy is hard to find right now. 

There was a time in my life when this episodic depression was inescapable and sometimes too difficult to handle.  Thanks to maturity and wisdom (and the power of medication), congnitively, I know that this will pass.  I know from experience that this down in the dumps feeling will pass, just as the spring showers will subside to bring flowers and greenness.  I will wake up some morning and feel refreshed and energized; I'll be chipper and joyful.  It will come.  I will get there. 

Right now, though, I am on a bumpy part of life's journey.  It's a gravel road with some pot holes and that grated pile of rock that keeps pulling your wheels off the path (only country folk will understand that reference.)  There's a washout crater running along side my road that keeps making the ride bumpy as hell.  I feel guilty for putting "my car" through this rough road, but it's the only path available to get back on the journey.  I must persist and slow the car down to keep safe and stay on track.  I have to focus and be patient, diligently hanging on to the familiar stearing wheel, having faith in my vehicle, myself.

I just have to remind myself that I don't have do this thing called life perfectly.  I'm imperfect in my humanness and mistakes are a given.  I won't always be the attentive parent that I think I should be. I won't always make the best decisions or be on time.  I won't always respond perfectly or say the right words.  I won't always have the patience and I certainly won't always keep on the path.  But, it's a journey.  It's a process.  In that process, things change and evolve.  What I think I know now, what I think I can do now can change.  And I don't always have to be brave about it.  I don't always have to put on a front.  I can be human. 

This is my life and it's a journey.....every single minute of every single day...